Excerpted from BEING FROM THE SOUTH DOESN'T MAKE ME STUPID!
A WORD FROM THE AUTHOR
wav file
If there is any food anywhere which is given absolutely no respect outside of
the South it has got to be grits. A staple food south of the Mason Dixon line and a
subject of derision in the north. Why? Maybe it’s just misunderstood, after all,
they don’t seem to like sweet tea, collard greens or catfish very much either.
In the north breakfast usually includes some kind of greasy, fried potatoes
called hashbrowns. And they have the nerve to say that Southern cooking is all
fried. If that is not enough, they have some other strange breakfast foods. Cream of
wheat and oatmeal come to mind, though the former is much worse than the latter.
Around Philadelphia they serve something called scrapple. Its called that
because it contains the scraps of meat that are not edible in any other form. This is
also fried. Nobody could actually explain scrapple to me, but it looks bad.
In any event, let’s talk for a minute about grits. Grits come from corn. This
is probably not a newsflash to anyone in the South. The good folks who maintain
the Grits Page on the Internet provide a little more information. They say that
cornmeal and hominy grits are made from mature white or yellow corn from which
the bran and germ have been removed. Exactly what the bran and germ are, and
how in the world you remove them is beyond the scope of my educational efforts,
and besides, do you really care? What we know is that grits are good and there
must be hundreds of ways to fix grits. (fix-Southern for prepare)
Normally I use a special recipe for fixing my grits. It is on the back of the
Jim Dandy box and involves water, salt and grits. You can make grits thin enough
to suck through a straw or thick enough to use as mortar. A little on the thin side
and they mix well with fried eggs. You might want to put butter and pepper on
your grits once they are on the plate. And this is just the beginning.
A couple of quick stories will illustrate some of the problems Southerners
have about grits. In the Navy we used to have either grits or Cream of Wheat every
morning. The problem was that you couldn’t tell which it was and there wasn’t
time in the line to find out. So every day I would take a spoon and gingerly taste the
white matter on my plate. Some days it would be the wonderful taste of grits and
others the repulsive Cream of Wheat. My guess is that some of my northern friends
did the same thing with opposite expectations.
While living in Fairfax, Virginia, my wife and I would often eat breakfast out
on the week-ends. On one occasion I ordered my usual breakfast with grits, which
had to be ordered on the side. That alone always frosts me, when South of the
Mason Dixon line, even a little, grits should just come with breakfast. Now there’s a
law Congress really should pass.
Eventually the waitress brought out a bowl filled with a lumpy, white mass of
something. She said it was grits. To make matters worse, they were cold. A quick
note here, if you are served cold grits in any restaurant, immediately leave. You
have been insulted.
The waitress also brought a glass of milk. Since milk was not ordered, I
asked what it was for. She said some people like to put milk on their grits with
sugar. The thought of this will make any true Southerner sick.
One of the great things about grits is that they are just as good the next day.
Put leftover (always make enough for leftovers) grits in a flat bowl or pan, cover
them with clear plastic wrap and put in the refrigerator. The next morning cut
them in small pieces and roll in corn meal. Fry until golden brown and enjoy.
Now there are a lot of other ways to use grits. A little red eye gravy over
your grits is very good. You can also make a casserole with cheese, sausage or about
anything else you can dream up. Isn’t a casserole just another way to eat leftovers?
Anyway, keep reading to learn more about grits, collards, catfish, cornbread and
Southern life in general. © Jack Kean 1998