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BARNEY DOES A NO NO

I got Barney two years ago through a Save the Bulldog program. The people I got him from were very nice, but just didn't have time for Barney. I really think it was the wife. She got new carpet throughout the house and Barney has a real shedding problem, and let us not forget the bulldog smell. Anyway, they interviewed us 3 times before giving him up. The whole time my wife was thinking, "Dear God, PLEASE don't let him get that dog".

Thank goodness God was on my side. My wife thought Barney was the most repulsive thing she had ever seen, and she didn't know how our two cats would get along with a dog. Of course Barney had no problems with the cats, matter of fact, Barney has no problems with anything, 2 or 4 legs. He loves them all. Now my wife wouldn't give Barney up for anything. She is totally in love with him, and God forbid if I was ever mean to him. Its funny how a bulldog can change a person’s attitude.

O.K., O.K., on to the story, but first you have to get an image of Barney. Barney is white and Brindle. Barney was the biggest puppy in a litter of ten. He is 21 inches at the top of his shoulders, and comes in between 80 and 85 pounds. As far as I know, that's big for a bulldog. He can pick up a basketball in his mouth and pop it, no lie. On to the funny part.

I have this old airstream (71) on a small lake just outside of Leavenworth KS. I did a lot of work to get the area in shape, and Barney was with me, well inside the camper with the air on most of the time. Anyway, my wife came out one afternoon to check up on me (wives do that). My buddy and I were sitting back having a cold one. A woman from a neighboring camper came walking down the dirt road. It was the first time I had met her. She jumped in talking and after just a minute I knew I wasn't going to like her.

She had a little poodle with her, which I have no use for at all, and this made things worse. Barney actually liked the poodle (no taste) and kept walking around after the thing.

I made an excuse and went to get another cold beverage, leaving my wife with our talkative neighbor. I told my buddy what a pain the lady was. All she did was talk about all the neighbors.

We watched as Barney strolled over and smelled her shoe. Then he squatted down and relieved himself all over her shoe. It seemed he hadn’t gone all day. She was so shaken by this that she couldn’t move and Barney just kept on going.

Being a gentleman, I ran over to get Barney and kept saying “Bad Boy, Bad Boy”. While biting my lip to keep from laughing, I offered to wash her shoe. She seemed to get the message and left immediately.

Barney and I walked away with me whispering “GOOD BOY GOOD BOY”. I later gave Barney a cheese burger for doing what I didn't dare do. {ED NOTE- If Jack had done it, this would be a whole different story.) The neighbor lady hasn’t paid us another visit.

Bill Poirier

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